So I took the beginning of the week off. I ended up playing hooky on Monday because I watched the Olympic games on Sunday and went out to celebrate with pals later that evening. Monday rolled around and the sun was shining. Something inside me leaped when I woke up and my huge bay window had light peering into my room and unto my cheek pressed against my pillow. I attempted to get up and finish my journal for class but just felt like I could take the day off. I don't do this, in fact haven't done this all year. However, every once in a while a change in routine generated by a stirring of the usual is needed; an adventure to break up the ground.
I spent the day strolling through high park in rain boots so that I could press my feet into the thinly frozen ice and sink into the muddy ground as the water seeped through the cracks. It was beautiful. Everything around me was defrosting, streams of run off were all around me and I couldn't help but feel alive while surrounded by so much of the earth bursting forth beneath me. I know this is very descriptive but I don't know how else to paint this picture because for me it's been a LONG winter. We haven't had tons of snow and it hasn't even been that cold, however, the dreariness and blah of grey skies were beginning to get to me. I began to think "this wait is worth it, life is on the way; a new thing springs up."
On my trek through the park I felt God draw very close to me, reminding me of all that's been growing under the surface of frozen ground compounded by heavy snow. There is movement, growth and vitality beneath it all. As my being was still to listen, with ears perked to what God wanted to say, my heart began to melt in His presence. I was being reminded of my innate need that my body, soul and spirit is constantly yearning for as I looked out at creation doing the same. Water was bursting forth from the ground and everything that's been hidden throughout the dead cold of winter was aching to be seen, groaning. In Romans 8:20-25 (The Message) it says:
"This resurrection life you received from God is not a timid, grave-tending life. It's adventurously expectant, greeting God with a childlike "What's next, Papa?"...
That's why I don't think there's any comparison between the present hard times and the coming good times. The created world itself can hardly wait for what's coming next. Everything in creation is being more or less held back. God reins it in until both creation and all the creatures are ready and can be released at the same moment into the glorious times ahead. Meanwhile, the joyful anticipation deepens.
All around us we observe a pregnant creation. The difficult times of pain throughout the world are simply birth pangs. But it's not only around us; it's within us. The Spirit of God is arousing us within. We're also feeling the birth pangs. These sterile and barren bodies of ours are yearning for full deliverance. That is why waiting does not diminish us, any more than waiting diminishes a pregnant mother. We are enlarged in the waiting. We, of course, don't see what is enlarging us. But the longer we wait, the larger we become, and the more joyful our expectancy."
This is what it means to live with HOPE. This passage is lovely and if you get a chance read it all together; take it in; chew on it! My NLT version goes on to say in brackets that "If we already have something, we don't need to hope for it. But if we look forward to something we don't yet have, we must wait patiently and confidently." Isn't this exactly what the flowers do all winter long, they hope for the sunshine, for rains so that new life can come forth. I realize that this is an analogy with cultural context seeing that not everywhere in the world there is winter. Yet, I'm grateful for the seasons because they teach me about the journey and the process of waiting.
One of my favorite songs by Brooke Fraser is "Faithful," which is listed above. The lyrics are gorgeous. The thing is that I can't always feel God's presence like I want. My circumstances don't always reiterate that God is for me (Micah 7:10), that God is good (Nahum 1:7), that God draws near to us (Jeremiah 31:3) and that God remains Faithful when we are faithless (2 Timothy 2:13). Although, God is not a man that He would lie; His promises fulfill (Numbers 23:19).
Nothing in my circumstances had changed on Monday as I strolled through the park. If anything I was worse off for skipping out on lecture and getting a bit behind. Yet, in the deep place of me there was this rest that knew these promises are true.
"When I can't feel you, I have learned to reach out just the same.
When I can't hear you, I know you still hear every word I pray...
As I wait for you maybe I'm made more faithful."
I'll remain faithful, as the flowers do through winter in their yearning!
