Have you ever set out to do something you desperately thought you needed and the complete opposite is what you encountered?
This past week I finished up my year at school, just exhausted from the constant demands of my time and energy in the books. I was in need of a day just to chill. I decided that a bike around Toronto with the wind in my hair, Magnetic North playing in my ears and the city at my fingertips was just the thing. I wanted to explore a bit, grab a coffee and be in my surroundings and yet remain outside of them in my head. Basically, I wanted to do my own thing with no interruptions. So I ended up biking over to Harbor St. to check out this quaint little café called “Sam James Coffee Bar." It's very good espresso there:)
Now before I left I pondered what I should wear for this event of relaxation. I of coarse wanted to feel pretty in my outfit, well put together after a long stretch of sweats, no make-up and sitting in the same position while studying for the past couple weeks. So I picked out this cute outfit to wear with my burgundy flats; the colours were well thought out with tones of grey, cream, purples and peach.
I originally had on a black skirt with pantyhose but then as I peddled out the first block I realized that riding in a skirt wasn't a good idea. I turned around and ran back into the house to put on my first pair of shorts this season. It's always strange to show leg for the first time after a long winter. I felt a bit naked even though the shorts were mid thigh length. I kept the skin coloured pantyhose on because with the wind it was a bit chilly.
When I arrived at the cafe this dude outside felt the need to instruct me on how to lock my bike up, making sure it wouldn't fall over. He was sitting outside the coffee bar, one of those 'free advice' people. Though I'm sure he meant well and seemed super kind, I just wasn't in the mood for meddlers. Like I said, the goal was to do my own thing, preferably with no interruptions. This is not so easy in life. I know for me I am a person who needs space, time to think/process, and be alone in order to rejuvenate. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy being social for sure but alone time is a necessity. Wednesday was one of those days that I just needed to myself, or so I thought.
Once I made it passed free advice man and into the bar. I realized it was not what I was thinking space wise and wouldn't be able to just checkout like I'd planned. The bar consists of a barista bar, counter space and register, a condiments station to the left and then three seats overlooking the street though the storefront window. At the time of ordering I was the only one there so I got my latte to stay. As I waited at the widow for it to be made this mentally disabled man walked in and started chatting with the barista boys. He was obviously a regular because they all knew him plus his order. Finally my drink was ready and I got up to get it. As I was pouring sugar into my glass the man leans in close to my left side and says: "Hello!"
I jumped a bit because he was definitely in my personal space bubble. I responded with a smile an a hi as if to push pass awkward conversation with my eyes. Suddenly, he drops his head and begins to stare at my legs. No longer is he talking to me, he's talking to my legs.
At this point I'm not sure what to do because I am standing in the middle of this cafe that now has a line-up of people to the door with this man unashamedly looking at my legs (it's at this point I wished I'd just worn pants). He then asks my legs (I mean me) if I'm staying? At which point I'd like to respond no but I just finished spooning sugar into my glass cup. I respond, "Yes, what's your name?" (trying to get him to look me in the eyes). "Alex" he replies. "Nice to meet you Alex" is what I say walking past him and back to my seat at the window. Trying to ignore the fact that he is following my legs wherever they go. I pull myself back up to the bar seat trying to maintain my dignity, feeling extremely uncomfortable, wanting to be kind and yet also wanting to tell the man to 'F' off. Then the conversation went something like this as everyone else just stood on by amused by the story that unfolds:
Alex: "Are you wearing panyhose?"
Me: "Yes I am."
Alex: "Why?"
Me: "Well Alex, because it's a bit chilly."
Alex: "Can I feel?"
Me: "Feel what?"
Alex: "Can I touch your panyhose?"
This is when I am caught off guard and begin to wonder. Should I let him touch my panyhose? Would I let anyone else touch my panyhose that I don't know? Is this me letting him cross my boundaries because he's disabled and I'm "normal?" Wait a second whose the disabled one here? I can't even say no to a strange man touching my panyhose in public because I am worried about hurting his feelings. This is when I pipe up:
Me: "NO Alex you cannot touch my panyhose."
I never thought I'd be saying that firmly in a public place.
Alex:"Why not? I just want to see what they feel like."
Me: "Because Alex, I don't feel comfortable with strangers touching my legs."
Everyone is still awkwardly glancing over, trying not to get too involved because then they might actually have to speak up. Instead, everyone is quite amused by the corner store scenario playing out before their eyes. The barista boys having a muffled giggle under their breath in the background while I'm still thinking up what I can do to get out of this situation. Meanwhile Alex is way ahead of me. There's silence for a few seconds as my blackberry beeps and I think 'perfect a distraction.'
Alex: "I'm doing an experiment."
Me: "Oh yeah, what kind of experiment?"
Alex: He pulls up his pants and points to his socks leaning in closer, "a texture experiment where I compare the feeling of socks to pantyhose. Can I touch your pantyhose now?"
Me: Holding back laughter, "NO Alex, but you can get some pantyhose from the shoppers drug mart."
Alex: "I want to feel your Pantyhose. You look like Taylor Swift from youtube."
Me: "Thanks, I think? Either way you cannot touch my pantyhose. Now excuse me I need to make a phone call."
Alex: sighs and walks over to the counter loudly announcing to the Barista boys "I'M DOING AN EXPERIMENT TODAY BOYS."
Barista Boy: "What kind of experiment?"
Alex: "I'm comparing the texture of socks and pantyhose but the lady wont let me complete my experiment."
Now, although I should be completely embarrassed I was more just completely humored and amused by the interaction. I wasn't going to let him touch my pantyhose but he continued to conjure up new and creative ways to do so. He invited me over to have a foot rub from walking too much, said that he would help me if I ever needed anything, asked me if I owned pantyhose with designs that he could see? I thought to myself, this guys has no reservations and most definitely is not living by my mannersOmeter. Eventually he let up and I was left with the space that I had gone in search for that day. However, I couldn't really relax because I was so jolted by this dude. I finished up my latte and asked the barista boy to sign my disloyalty card. He then went on to apologize for Alex and said that he's harmless. I then replied, "I gathered that but still didn't feel comfortable with a stranger touching my pantyhose." He laughed, never have I had to say the word pantyhose so many times in a day and I went on my way.
The thing is, this was a random encounter that was absolutely not at all what I had gone out to get from my experience at Sam James but somehow it turned out to be better. The entire situation was strange, uncomfortable; a boundary pusher. Yet I was able to embrace it instead of fighting it off. I'm not sure if I'll ever see Alex again but I'm grateful for meeting him. I needed to laugh more than I needed the space. God knew that and I think that even strange men requesting to touch a gals pantyhose in public can be the humor of God.
Sometimes what we need is a little strange in the familiar and abnormal in the mundane to make us question what normal is? Or sometimes we just need to wear pants!
