Now that I'm finished my first semester of exams, woohoo, I'm able to more thoroughly enjoy all that makes up the Christmas season. Sleeping at last just came out with collection of Christmas tunes (gorgeous!) and I've been stuck on O Holy Night. I've loved that one since I was a little girl but haven't fully heard it until recently. Last week while I was still in cram mode and preparing for a friends wedding (also gorgeous!) I was feeling a bit overwhelmed with everything around me. I knew rest was in sight but I was just exhausted and I'd been communing with books for about three weeks. I began to forget what it was like to chat with people. Basically, everything just felt lonely even though I was surrounded by friends, roommates, and strangers, somehow I just felt like I didn't fit, something just wasn't right. Why was I surviving in a world where I was made to live fully? God in all his gentleness answered these verses to my hearts inquiry:
"The King of kings lay thus lowly manger;
In all our trials born to be our friends.
He knows our need, our weakness is no stranger,
Behold your King! Before him lowly bend! "
Tears streamed down my face while I stood crammed in a subway, touching people I didn't know involuntarily, realizing that even though I was made for glory, for life, for love that there are times when we will lay lowly, where we'll have trials and need a friend who knows us in the deep, where our feebleness is familiar to that friend.
God was reminding me that I wasn't forgotten, that my dreams and desires haven't gone unnoticed, asking me to hope. Love was coming close in that moment and surrounding my confused heart with warmth and whispering 'I understand this feeling, I know what it's like.' Somehow knowing this eased the ache slightly, I suddenly became aware that this King once laid lowly in a manger with the promise of glory as His protection, knowing He was made for greatness yet surrounded by straw.
I was talking with my dad (Michael) the other day and sharing my thoughts with him, just being honest really, and because I was hurting all he wanted to do was fix the situation. He kept coming up with answers, analyzing how we could solve this ache in my heart. He’s such a kind and compassionate man, but this frustrated me. All my heart really needed was to share this break inside. He eventually realized this and sat beside me just squeezing my hand and telling me I was lovely. We humans are madly aware of our fractures and desperately want to be fixed and to fix, especially when someone dear to us is in need but I think that sometimes we just need to share the ache, to not try and fix each others ugliness, that will come, instead hold hands.
Jesus went on to make the ugly spotless, to dine with 'sinners', to turn water into wine, to multiply food, to restore the broken, to heal the sick and eventually beat death itself. In the end light wins, life is restored, but there is still a beginning and middle before the end. While in the middle we're made to share in our successes and failures, in our likes and dislikes, that's what it means to know and be known, the little stuff...
God cares!
It's the time of year where we are surrounded by masses of people rushing around to find that sweater they wont remember they bought, the streets shout 'consume, consume, consume' and the stress of all the events can get a bit tiring. It's easy to miss the individual in the crowd but God found me, on the subway, in the middle, just to tell me that He was there once too but He made it.
This season take sometime to remember, to just be with the people who are right here, right now, to tell stories and share in the little things that may mean nothing to us but everything to them. A friend was telling me just last night that he was surprised by the impact he's made on people and had no idea that by just being him he was changing lives. Don't wait until a crucial moment to tell someone how you feel, to encourage them, tell them when you notice the beauty in the moment. They probably need to be reminded.
We don't need to have it all together to be family. God loved us not because we are lovable but because we are unloveable. It was the cost he paid for us that deems us worthy. Meaning that making ourselves better doesn’t get him to love us more, but this should in many ways call us into better. Because of this grand expression of himself, we relate.
This Christmas don't get lost in the crowd or the hustle and bustle, listen for the silver bells. Remember:
"If God gives such attention to the appearance of wildflowers—most of which are never even seen—don't you think he'll attend to you, take pride in you, do his best for you? What I'm trying to do here is to get you to relax, to not be so preoccupied with getting, so you can respond to God's giving. People who don't know God and the way he works fuss over these things, but you know both God and how he works. Steep your life in God-reality, God-initiative, God-provisions. Don't worry about missing out. You'll find all your everyday human concerns will be met.” ~Matthew 6:30-33~
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