To float with the clouds!

I finally made it out for a bike ride along the Canal in Bath this evening. I've been meaning to do this all week but it's been pouring rain for most of it. Today, however, was stunning!

Originally I went out early afternoon on a friends cycle but ended up completely off track and checking out the dodgy river instead. Then I went the wrong direction completely while looking for the right path. I now know to ask for help when lost:)

I gave up quite quickly, I guess I was a bit frustrated with myself. I was able to go to this great guitar shop in town though instead. Mim, one of the beauties that I'm staying with here, was looking for one to buy for her upcoming birthday so I tagged along. I also had the joy of trying a ferrero rocher milkshake - so yummy!

All these detours eventually led me back to the canal. I just couldn't give up on it all together and now that I think of it getting lost earlier was the best thing because it helped me to find what I was looking for at just the right time. Sunset! Hmm, probably good to note for searching out more than just canals!

Anyways, not only was the sun going down to sleep while the moon was rising to wake, but there were hot air balloons just floating with the clouds. For some strange reason this made my heart leap. As I was overlooking this glorious city at dusk with the huge red balloon carrying passengers in the sky I felt so safe. There was something about people in a balloon that wouldn't pop that made the world seem so small and yet large, it was suddenly a place that wasn't unattainable to see anymore. I knew in my heart that I was home, in God; I belong somewhere, even better to someone, and it didn't matter that I was miles away from where I spent the previous 24 years of my life. I knew in that moment that home is being where He is. My heart was at ease, resting, under the shadow of God's gigantic wings in the sky while strangers were soaring through them. I got lost to be found.

I realize that locals from Bath see this sight quite often and that the hot air balloons are probably normal. I looked like such a foreigner as I was just standing there on a bench, amused by the sight as people passed me by looking wary. I didn't care though because to me it was perfect.

I know that when I get back to Toronto there's a lot of stuff waiting for me. Some of which can be weighty at times but all of which I find joy in as well. I guess I just don't want to be so much of a local that I miss out on floating with the clouds.

“When a weed becomes a wish”

Falling into the deep of this place,

Laying bare the want to stay in somewhere I can’t.

This impression not known before now,

Picture perfect moments passing by the second.

My breath is stolen by shades of green,

Caught up in the rolling hills.

Rosy cheeks from climbing great heights,

Back on the ground has me day dreaming of standing level with the tops of trees again.

There’s a transient silence that comes and goes in the here and now.

I keep reaching to grab it as if it were a dandelion fluff floating in open space;

Ready to make a weed become a wish!

But then my fingers hit the air,

Clasping back into my palms.

“Ah, I’ve missed it again”…

This transient silence that I want to keep hold of, like my time here,

Is passing me by – lasting only a short time.

Sometimes the choice to ‘stay’ or ‘go’ just isn’t an option;

Sometimes there is just go.

For now, while I can, I’ll stay.

Let the fog wrap around me like a warm duvet;

Waiting for the water to sink in,

Lifting me to the next place.

My tears like weeds getting lost in the rain clouds;

Up there, in the far away,

Can you turn them into wish?

Mixing mediums in life.

Boots.
I forget the name of this flower but they are everywhere in Merthyr Tydfil. This pink is cool!

The clouds are pretty.
Okay so this is photoshopped, but it's gorgeous:)

My boots were quite muddy by this part.

There was something very spooky about this wood when I walked by. I was by myself for 4 hours by this point and this helped me to pick up the pace - Eeeek!

This week has felt like a bit of a blur. It’s been back and forth between nature and concrete. I think in the art world that’s called mixed media? Not sure.

Anyways when I arrived in Bath on Monday I was zonked and yet still managed to make it out to the pub with some friends for a pint. Then Tuesday was full of just getting to know Bath, since I’m going to be there until almost the end of my trip I figured a gentle introduction was necessary. I quickly understood why everyone raves about it; it’s truly lovely! Wed. I was off again, hopped on a train to Cardiff, Wales but was heading more into the country to visit the wonderful Lois and Jr. I have been so incredibly blessed to stay with such amazing families and people while visiting this place. It makes it tough to just leave and go on to the next place really.

Anyways, when I arrived I was shown to my room full of super comfy cushions where I became well acquainted within the first few minutes as I drifted into a deep REM sleep for a couple hours. The nights in Wales were filled with good food, very tastey wine (well except for the one from Salt – to gamy) and great conversation. The full day that I was there however I manage to borrow some rain gear and boots to go gallivanting in the mountainous hills of Merthyr Tydfil. It was gorgeous. I spent the afternoon walking with God in silence, in complete awe of creation, well aware that at any point nature could close in on me or the storm that was rolling in could sweep me away in the waves of the reservoir but that I was wrapped up in the centre of love so no matter what I was safe. It was far away from the comforts of city life that I’ve grown so accustomed to these past few years but a beautiful reminder.

Then this morning before I trekked back to Cardiff to catch my afternoon train I spent the morning in a salon getting a pedicure, getting a massage after yesterdays long hike and having my toes painted a sleek dark purple of which I had to cover up with my stockings after. In a way it was sad to hide such fresh feet but there was a joy in walking down the road knowing that under my muddy black shoes were some very pretty toes. Wow, that was a moment that I think only a girl could enjoy. I felt very close to my femininity this morning walking to the train station. Perhaps it was the sensation after adventuring through the woods, having a long bath with bubbles, a facial and then being pampered in the salon that did it; the perfect combination of messy meets pristine.

It reminded me in a bit of the days when mom would put me in a dress to go out somewhere special but then I would go out to play in the back yard for just a few minutes and somehow manage to spoil my outfit and yet I was so pleased by the sense of accomplishment I felt with my daringness in the yard.

I’ve decided that this is how I want to live. I don’t want to have to choose between city and woods. I want them both and I wont settle for less. I’m not too sure how this will work out yet but I’ve managed to have a glimpse of it with living in High Park. And since it’s from glory to glory, I’ll wait for the best…

In everything!

A Wee Bit of England!

Ready for the journey...
Getting ready for Bath in Camden Market
Acting like a London fashion diva in Bath!
Taking a dip in Trafalgar Square...
Me in the doorway of King George III summer palace feeling quite royal!

“When we start to believe the limitlessness of what we have and the weight of what we are called to do with it (to do with the limitlessness of what we have), we will come to know and experience the reality of the promise that we will experience whatever we ask for.” –Danny Silk-

It’s amazing what happens when we begin to believe in the infiniteness of God and that his love holds no bounds; it’s truly limitless.

As many of you know I’m in England at the moment and have been here for 10 days now. This means there are only about 13 more to go. Although I don’t want to think about that right now because I am falling in love with this place. It’s just that everything is so pretty. The buildings have such character and history, the guy who was making me a baguette the other day called me ‘love’ about 10 times while making my lunch, the lady in this café by this garden in Streatham referred to me as ‘dear’ over and over, and then there was the man who was playing piano in the underground who whispered ‘wonderful’ to the tune of Sunday morning under his breath as I walked by or the best was this guy in Bath who practically proposed to me on camera while making his batch of daily fudge, ‘nuts about chocolate.’ Judging by my video footage it appears he was nuts about more than that, but naturally I turned him down, especially since he mistook me for an American girl. Really though, every day has been as though I’m meeting all these characters in the story of my life where I am the leading lady, and when you’re the lead role you want the story to be grand. I can honestly say that it has!

From tea, to Mirch Masala, dancing around Buckingham Palace, to ice cream in Hyde Park, Sibelius at BBC Proms, the Troubadour, vintage shopping in Nottinghill gate, beers/ poems in Oxford, four part harmonies on a 4 hour road trip, dress up in Camden Town, Falafels on the water, love affairs with the guitars on Denmark street (sorry Gill), making music, coffee and croissants in the park, making picture clouds to hide and seek in Kew Gardens and then the all around amazing company plus more TEA! To think, this was just London in a few words. The real deal was much more enchantingJ

I arrived in Bath on Monday and have been staying with some incredible friends and making new ones in the process. This trip has definitely shown me how far I’ve come with expanding my heart to welcome new people into it. I don’t know why I ever stayed so self-protected in the past. Risking relationships is much more rewarding, not to mention fun! I thought I was doing this whole trip alone when I left; my adventure with God, all independent and ready to take on the world. Although I’ve still been traveling alone, I’ve had beautiful people by my side and I’m realizing, as one friend put it, just how true it is that the experience is what is remembered not all the sites that are the tourist ‘must see’s.’ Some of my favorite moments have been just sitting around a dinner table in stitches over something someone said or laying in silence on the grass waiting for the London sun to pop out from behind the clouds.

I feel so alive here, not that I’m dead in Toronto. I think you know what I mean. It could be the romance of this foreign land or it may just be that my heart feels at rest, settled, and unconcerned with the pressures that will await me when I’m back in my Country. People I love at home I do miss you, but I will warn you, I’m more myself here than I have ever been. This next year ahead is a big one. I graduate for starters and that in and of itself comes with loaded expectations. People asking what I’m doing with my life after school and me wishing I had a better response than “not sure really.” I guess I’ve just realized how important it is to allow yourself to be loved, enjoy the people around you and take steps in the journey that requires some movement to complete. I came here with this worry about the fact that in a year I wont be able to write ‘student’ as a career on forms anymore and wondering what I’ll put down but suddenly being in Wales as I type this and planning a picnic in the mountains tomorrow afternoon, a title just seems insignificant. Daughter, is enough for now and all I do and love will be through this place.

Who knows what will happen? No matter the outcome I’m excited about the beauty and mess of it all, about not going at it all alone, knowing that others have felt a similar worry; maybe I’ll even practice moving some mountains tomorrow…

Oh the places you'll go!

Last night my sister gave the most wonderful gift in the world...a story! We're so silly when we get together but it's the best. I love her with all my heart (Thanks Lis). If you haven't read this book you should. It's brilliant in a simple kind of way, one that will make you laugh and make you cry, remember the dreams of being a kid and the ones to come.

Today is yes my birthday but also the beginning of a great adventure with God this month. We're going to England! I can't wait to eat cake and drink tea:)

Here's a peek:

"Today is your day.

You're off to Great Places!

You're off and away!

You have brains in your head.

You have feet in your shoes...

You'll look up and down streets, Look em over with care.

About some you will say, "I don't choose to go there."

With your head full of brains and your shoes full of feet your too smart to go down any not-so-good street....

It's opener there in the wide open air...

Out there things can happen and frequently do to people as brainy and footsy as you.

And when things start to happen,

Don't worry. Don't stew.

Just go right along.

You'll start happening too.

OH THE PLACES YOU'LL GO!

You'll be on your way up!

You'll be great sights!

You'll join the high fliers who soar to great heights.

The waiting place...NO! That's not for you!

Somehow you'll escape all that waiting and staying.

You'll find the bright places where Boom Bands are playing.....

On and on you will hike.

And I know you'll hike far

and face up to your problems, whatever they are....

And you will succeed?

Yes, You will, indeed!..

KID, YOU"LL MOVES MOUNTAINS!

So....get on your way! "

Cosmic [An inconceivably vast] Love!

This song was introduced to me in the fall, ironically, since the leaves are very fall like. I was standing on the third floor of Vari Hall at York University with a friend overlooking all the people walking in strange consistent patterns below us. This was a tough time for me. I was feeling as though the world was caving in on me and the beauty that had surrounded me was disappearing before my eyes. The worst part was not being able to control the situation. I felt like I was being sucked into a black hole, a place where I couldn't climb out of, a place that felt nothing like home. School was incredibly busy and it was as though my minds fear was taking over all the hopes that my heart once had. The journey from the head to the heart can be an incredibly healing process and at the same time a terribly confusing one if we let it. This all sounds very dramatic but at the time it was a big deal. "These problems matter" as quoted by 'Family guy'-haha.

Basically, I was standing in silence when my friend said that I must hear this song. About 15 minutes before this point I had been babbling on about my latest brain burst where none of it had even remotely hit my heart. I didn't want to speak from my heart. It felt like it was a very dark and lonely place at this point. In no way was I going to invite someone there. So it was in this context that I first listened to this. As I listened to the sound resonate in my ears, the lyrics curling over the concerns in my mind and putting them to rest, I began to cry. Tears just streamed down my face because the music was reaching a place that no advice or counsel was able to reach. I remembered that even in darkness God is there with me, embracing my heart. That darkness is as light to God! I was safe and new that what was to come would be so beautiful! Sometimes only utter beauty can mend a wound, music is often that for me.

I guess I was thinking of this moment yesterday as I was scraping my way through a cave up at Mount Nemo. A few pals and I went on a hike, I was wearing a cute little summer dress but how could I turn down an opportunity for adventure simply because of attire. I slipped off my flip flops and went in barefoot. Climbing through this dark, damp and filthy cave in a dress and no shoes. It was like being Jane of the jungle or something.

While I was in the cave, not able to see a thing or where I was stepping, fear crept in for a second but then I remembered that even in this place of complete darkness to me I am surrounded by inapproachable light. That eventually I would come out on the other side and see where I was. I think I am here now, on the other side of whatever that was last fall and am ready to climb back up to solid ground. This is going to be the start of a new chapter...I can feel it, or maybe that's just the residue of yesterdays hike, hmm? Either way, it's good!

¹¹ I could ask the darkness to hide me
and the light around me to become night—
¹² but even in darkness I cannot hide from you.
To you the night shines as bright as day.
Darkness and light are the same to you.

Psalm 139