Grocery Shopping

You know something’s up when the simple task of grocery shopping and making dinner is completely overwhelming. Am I alone in this one?

As new years past, so did a lot of other stuff. 2009 was an interesting, surprising and extremely stretching year for me. Lets just say I grew tremendously and yet in many ways I feel like I’ve gone backwards. Basically, I was single, had long hair and in University a couple of years ago and 2010 I’m still in what looks like that same spot, but it’s not. My situation is familiar, in many ways the same but the difference is me. I’m just beginning to see this. Sometimes I think we have to choose to go back to things we left, even if it’s scary, because it’s there we see just how much we’ve changed, that we aren’t circumstances of our past!

This said, I think it can be easy to believe that because we are back in familiar territory we missed out or did something wrong along the way. I know I’ve spent some time wondering how I ended up back in this place where life seems like a pile of books, teapots, and meals on the go. I mean, I thought I’d at least mastered the cooking part.

It’s been hard to watch some of my dearest friends move forward into very different seasons than myself, some to careers, many to marriage, and for others just new hair styles. The point is I’m not where they are, but the other side of that is they aren’t where I am. What I’m trying to get at is if I spend my time desiring to be somewhere that I’m not supposed to be, I miss the place I’m in, which is absolutely beautiful, not pain free, but beautiful.

A conversation I had tonight went like this and it totally caught me off guard:

Jane (not real name): I guess I’m afraid to commit to him, to commit to anything really, I mean how do I know I’m not going to miss out?

Jessica: You don’t but if you’re constantly afraid to commit because of fear that you’ll miss something good, you may just miss out on the opportunity staring you in the face.

Jane: coy smile (as if to say, look who’s talking)

Now this is not a conversation about commitment and relationships so much as it is about our hearts being at rest with where we are. We are meant to be FREE not thinking something or someone else will make us feel free. So to everyone reading this, enjoy your place right where you are now. If you're single know that it’s not forever but it’s a lovely gift to get to know yourself better, to grow in friendships, to develop new talents. If married tell your love why you chose them, we all need reminders, even if it’s been said a thousand times.

Okay so this blog has turned out to be a bit more about not comparing ourselves to others and less about my grocery shopping issue but isn’t that the way it goes sometimes. We begin to reflect and while sightseeing through retrospect we notice that as rob bell says, this is actually about that. Perhaps grocery shopping felt exhausting because my heart was wishing I didn't have to cook for one, just a thought.

If I could say one thing for 2010 it would be it’s going to be a year of lots of JOY! That feeling of no matter where you are or what you're doing you are alive. So I'll laugh out loud, step into this great dance and hum a new tune because of the one I'm doing it with and not what surrounds.

It’s time to do some groceries now and when we know we’re not alone, that God actually wants to hang out with us while we're doing something as simple as grocery shopping, suddenly it's not just grocery shopping, it's being where we need to be with someone wonderful. Everyone needs to eat sometime!

“Just knowing that you’re here with me now, it changes everything…When my heart just can’t figure out what it wants, please give me a reason to trust you’ll still fight for me.” ~Laura Hackett~